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Submitted on
March 12
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i broke heaven's bones
and ate the splintered remains.
watch me transcend,
it tasted like enlightenment. 
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:iconmuscularteeth:
muscularteeth Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
this is short but very interesting and raises some complex ideas. great work :heart:
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:iconmarlboroblacks:
marlboroblacks Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much!
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:iconredbeetles:
redbeetles Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
This is really beautiful.
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:iconmarlboroblacks:
marlboroblacks Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you lovely! xx
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:iconcapparfrank:
Capparfrank Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014

I really love your poem. "i broke heaven's bones" is a wonderful line -- The breaking bones is violent and visceral and really sets off against the expectations of heaven being serene and ephemeral. That same violent/visceral feeling rides into the second line with images of splintering, and the act of eating.  The lines link further with ‘bones’ and  ‘remains.’  It’s very strong!

 

With such a total rejection and conquest of heaven, the speaker’s invitation to be witnessed while transcending feels odd to me.  But, obviously such reversals fit the haiku form, so it may not be a worthy complaint.

 

Closing ‘transcend’ with a comma is a subtle but significant indication that transcendence is not the end.  I missed it on my first read, and really enjoyed noticing it on the second go-round.

 

This is great work.  Reading it made my day.

 

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:iconmarlboroblacks:
marlboroblacks Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh, that's such a lovely comment. thank you so much for taking the time to read it and read into the meaning. <3
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:iconghostinafog:
ghostinafog Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
dammmmn
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:iconmarlboroblacks:
marlboroblacks Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
dunno if that's a good or bad damn xD
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:iconghostinafog:
ghostinafog Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
neither B-) (Cool) 

it's a great damn
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